One of the best things about the Coronavirus is that it has forced me to rewatch old TV shows and start new ones because I have nothing else to do. And as a result of that, I’ve been reminded of all my childhood/teenage crushes from said TV shows. Now I’m not one to be picky, but for the sake of arguing I thought that I might as well try and determine which one of these smokeshows holds the crown. So without further ado, let’s get into the contestants.

Pam Beesly

Pam Pam and her pam pams. Always got the blood flowing. True followers of the series have long debated which season was her best, but to me the season doesn’t matter. She’s always looking good. I remember sitting in anticipation for the first scene because that’s when we got to see what each character was wearing for that episode. There’s nothing like an intro when Pam is wearing one of her patented tight button downs. You knew it was gonna be a good day.

This is an example of said intros. Watch that and tell me how hard it is to look at Pam’s face when she shows up.

One of the best things about Pam, though, is her personality. She’s fun, kind, and has a good sense of humor. That being said she can be kind of a drag sometimes. And there’s the whole cheating thing. I still think she’s a good person at heart and let’s be honest there’s a couple of things that make up for her bad mood days. Overall Pam is the total package and wife material.

April Buchanon

Truly one of the most underrated, not talked about TV smokes of all time. That might be because the show was on HBO and not as many people saw it but April still doesn’t get the respect she deserves. They don’t call her April BigCannons for nothin.


You have to absolutely love April’s voice too. It’s a complete turn on. That sweet southern high pitched twang, and especially when she’s talking soft and slow like that. Lordy. She’s also extremely patient and willing to work with Kenny, which could be a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it. But she seems to have a good heart and is committed to Kenny.

One of the knocks against April is the trailer park, crackhead vibe she gives off. This is especially apparent when she goes out with Kenny in the third season, gets shit hammered, and leaves him with her kid, Toby. To be honest, I could easily see April going off the hinges, getting a couple muff tattoos, a tramp stamp or two, some extra piercings, and being the star of the local trailer park strip club. She kind of just has that vibe, like a dark cloud hanging over her. I guess that’s kind of the risk you take with a girl like that. They always act nice but you know down deep they have a redneck crazy side. But I would definitely be willing to take a chance with those puppies.

Lisa Tragnetti

If that picture doesn’t ring a bell then you must have been living under a rock for the past couple of years. Lisa was part of one of the best seasons of any TV show in history. Seriously, that first season of True Detective may be better than any other show’s best season. And a big part of that was this scene between Lisa and Marty, played by Woody Harrelson.


I mean if you’re Woody Harrelson how do you control yourself there. If that was me sitting there I would have jizzed as soon as she took her shirt off. Just incredible willpower there from Woody and he deserves all the credit for being able to control himself.

But as evidenced by that seen, you know Lisa is a freak. Gets the handcuffs out and slaps em on, then teases and makes ya really squirmy. If you’re into that kind of stuff then she’s the girl for you. Probably the overall sexiest TV character I’ve seen in my 20 years.

Meadow Soprano

If you haven’t noticed there’s sort of a trend here. HBO shows really bring the heat. Now I know Meadow was a bit young when the show started but this is from the later seasons, so it’s not creepy. Meadow just kept getting hotter every season.

There are a couple of serious turn offs though. For one, her dad is a mob Boss so if anything goes south you’re more likely than not getting whacked, or at the very least fucked with. Second, Meadow can be a major C U Next Tuesday sometimes and I think she might be bipolar. Like one episode she loves Tony and the next she’s cussing him out for being a bad dad or something. You can never get a read on her. I guess that’s kind of typical for a woman but still, she really goes back and forth.

The Winner: Lisa Tragnetti

The title of the blog is “Hottest TV characters”, not “Who Would You Marry”. So that being said you kind of have to pick Lisa. Everything about her is sexy. And she’s into all sorts of kinky stuff. Not to shit on all the other contestants but Lisa just blows them out of the water from a “who would you fuck” perspective. Gotta stay true to the main idea. All time rocket and I’ll always love the gif of her taking her shirt off.